Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Well Respected Man

"And I know, I know you will keep me on the shelf, I'll come back to you someday soon myself."
R. Pecknold

When I was seventeen, I met the man I would eventually marry. He was full of happiness, creativity, uniqueness and individuality.  His caring and compassionate nature was exemplified in one simple action; offering me his shirt on a cool summer night.  That was all I needed to fall; warmth and protection. The boyfriends I had before were only superficial images of what I wanted them to be. Boys with physical qualities I found attractive, dark hair, blue eyes, glasses, and a strong healthy build.  For me, there was a need for the superhero quality in a man. A Clark Kent to Superman transition that would allow for safety and strength in the real world. A man who could be tender and step it up to defend when needed. Life isn't this simple, and there isn't a man able to fit into any woman's idea of perfect. But I was young and had romantic ideas of love, not fully understanding what is needed in a sustainable and healthy relationship.

Nineteen years later, I have a husband who loves me, believes in me, trusts me, matches the duties of parenthood and upholds the balance of what it means to stay strong, work hard and still find beauty in life.  A spouse who believes in marriage equality, changes diapers, folds laundry and keeps up with the housecleaning.  A father who comes home on time, if not early, with open arms full of hugs and kisses.  A kind, patient, generous man deserving of all respect and the gifts that life has to offer.  True superhero qualities in a man.

With a pact of love, a marriage commitment, and two beautiful children, this full and rich life seems to be missing something.  The day to day grind, work stress, financial troubles combined with insomnia and the physical demands of caring for two crazy boys leaves little time for self care, togetherness without interruption, and a moment to think a thought all the way through.  Late nights, parties, shows and spontaneous romance are vague and distant memories. Our lives are in tandem, balancing work, child care and home. The moments we have as husband and wife are few and when we can be together, sleep is the overpowering need.  Life changes constantly and recognizing what is happening now and not judging or reacting negatively is the challenge.  Make peace with the way things exist and find happiness there. The events occurring in life allow us to piece together our whole self, including the opportunity to see what is bigger than ourselves.

Where does the time go?  When there is a quiet moment and we close our eyes can we remember who we were, who we are now and who we want to be?  We need to remember ourselves and celebrate the journey that led us to this destination. If not living truthfully now, what do our children witness as a result.  Live for happiness and pursue passion and love. These baby years move quickly, soon our boys will be older and ready for adventure.  I know my husband will thrive in the wild with them and he will come back to himself.

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